Have you ever held onto a grudge so tightly you could feel it in your shoulders? You’re not alone.
Forgiveness is one of those buzzwords that sounds like a good idea in theory, but when you’ve been wronged—like really wronged—it feels like letting someone off the hook.
Spoiler alert: forgiveness is for you, not them. And no, it doesn’t mean you’re excusing anyone’s bad behavior. It means you're choosing your peace over their power.
Let’s unpack what forgiveness actually is (and isn’t), why it’s the greatest gift you can give yourself, and how to do it right—without becoming anyone’s doormat.
What Forgiveness Really Means (Spoiler: It’s Not About Them)
Forgiveness is not:
Forgetting what happened
Saying “it’s okay” when it clearly wasn’t
Rebuilding trust with someone unsafe
Forgiveness is:
Releasing yourself from emotional bondage
Choosing peace over resentment
Reclaiming your personal power
Think of forgiveness as cutting the energetic cord that ties you to the pain, not tying a pretty bow around the past.
Why Holding Grudges Feels Powerful (But Actually Hurts You)
When someone wrongs us, it’s natural to want justice. Holding a grudge feels like we’re keeping score. But guess what? Grudges are like poison we drink hoping the other person gets sick.
Science backs this up—studies show that unforgiveness increases stress, anxiety, and even blood pressure. Chronic resentment can lead to everything from insomnia to depression.
On the flip side, forgiveness has been linked to improved mental health, better relationships, and even physical healing.
Let’s be real: your grudge isn’t hurting them. It’s hurting you.
Why Forgiveness is Self-Care in Disguise
Still think forgiveness is a “soft” skill? Let’s reframe it as a power move.
When you forgive, you:
Stop giving energy to the past
Shift your focus back to your goals
Regain emotional clarity
Create space for healthy relationships
Forgiveness is emotional decluttering. It’s like Marie Kondo-ing your soul: “Does this resentment spark joy?” If not, thank it and let it go.
How to Forgive Without Forgetting or Repeating the Lesson
So, how do you actually forgive someone? Let’s break it down:
1. Acknowledge the Hurt
You can’t heal what you don’t feel. Denial doesn’t lead to forgiveness—it leads to emotional constipation. (Yes, that’s a thing.)
2. Validate Your Feelings
You’re not overreacting. You’re not too sensitive. Your pain is valid. Period.
3. Separate the Person from the Pain
This one’s tough. You can hold someone accountable and decide not to let them live rent-free in your head.
4. Set Boundaries
Forgiveness doesn’t mean inviting toxic people back into your life. In fact, it often means the opposite.
5. Choose to Release, Even If They’re Not Sorry
Waiting for an apology is like waiting for a cactus to hug you. Some people will never own up—and that’s not your problem.
6. Practice Compassion (From a Distance)
Compassion doesn’t mean closeness. It means seeing their humanity without sacrificing your own.
7. Use Healing Tools
Journaling, meditation, therapy, energy work—whatever helps you move the emotional sludge. Check out my shop Pixies Lair for more tools for healing.
Real-Life Example: From Bitter to Better
Let’s say you were ghosted after a 6-month situationship.
You could:
A) Rage-scroll through their IG with Taylor Swift on repeat
B) Forgive yourself for trusting too soon, learn the lesson, and move forward
Option B might not be as instantly satisfying, but it pays emotional dividends.
The Myth of Closure
Many of us think we need closure to forgive. But closure is often a fairy tale. You don’t need their explanation or apology to heal. You just need a decision.
Closure isn’t something you get. It’s something you create.
When Forgiveness Feels Impossible
If you’re thinking, “There’s no way I could forgive that,” I hear you. Sometimes the wound runs deep. In those cases:
Start small (forgive minor things first)
Focus on what you can release today
Allow yourself time—healing isn’t a race
Affirmations to Support Forgiveness:
I forgive to free myself, not to excuse others.
I choose peace over pain.
I release resentment and reclaim my energy.
My healing is my responsibility and my right.
Let’s Talk Shadow Work (Yep, It’s Connected)
Unforgiveness often hides in our shadow—the part of us we keep buried. Bringing it to light helps us heal the root, not just the symptoms.
Try this journal prompt:
Who do I need to forgive in order to move forward? What am I gaining by holding onto this pain?
(You might be surprised at what shows up.)
Grab my Shadow work Journal Prompt Freebie HERE for more ways into your shadow side.
The Ripple Effect of Forgiveness
When you forgive, you raise your vibration. You become less reactive, more grounded, and more magnetic to the life you want. Your relationships improve, your confidence increases, and your soul feels lighter.
Forgiveness is emotional freedom. And freedom? That’s the real glow-up.
Final Thoughts: Forgiveness is a Superpower
You don’t forgive because they deserve it. You forgive because you do. Because you deserve peace. You deserve clarity. You deserve to move on.
So whether you’re releasing a petty grudge or a lifelong wound, do it for yourself. Your future self will thank you—and maybe even throw a party in your honor.
✨ Ready to Start Healing? Here’s What to Do Next:
🎥 Watch My YouTube Video on Forgiveness & Emotional Resilience
👉 @apixiechameleon
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💌 Share this post with someone who needs a reminder that forgiveness is for them!
You’ve got the power to free yourself. Start today.
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